How To Find Your First Therapist
Spring has sprung, and this time of year I normally get a spike in inquiries. With the frost melting and buds starting to bloom outside, I wonder if the promise of new beginnings comes with a readiness for change.
Therapy is all about change and healing – exploring it, reflecting on it, and creating it with the consistent support of someone who walks alongside us as we process the ups and downs of life. The consistent (often weekly) format of therapy facilitates a trusting bond to form between us and our therapist over time. Ideally, this trust unlocks discoveries about how we want to respond to the changes in our lives.
If we’re new to therapy, it can be daunting looking for a therapist for the first time. Where do we begin? How do we know who’s right for us? What do we even look for? Here are some ideas on how to get started.
1. What do we need help with?
First of all, try and define the issues or changes we’re looking to get support with. These can range from life transitions like a painful breakup, difficulty adjusting to a new job or city, to relationship difficulties with loved ones or colleagues.
Changes that happen in the relationships we share with ourselves and wider community play a key role in shaping our wellbeing. If we don’t feel ready for change or able to respond to it, this can lead to negative impacts on our mental health, resulting in higher levels of stress and anxiety, or even depression and anger.
If we’re noticing a shift for the worse in our mood and/or regular activities for a period of two weeks or more, this could be a good time to consider community support or even therapy. Things like worry, fear or a lower mood than usual could result in suspending usual routines, or reacting to situations in unusual ways.
We might have stopped going to our regular badminton group or biking meet-ups. Lashed out to a friend when they said they couldn’t make it to our party. Cried ourselves to sleep multiple nights a week. Found it impossible to get out of bed or talk to family. These are all signs it’s time for additional support.
2. What’s out there?
a) Talk to people who have tried therapy
Putting our feelers out there can be a good start. Ask friends, family or colleagues questions about their therapy experience and invite them to share their stories – ways in which it’s been helpful or not so helpful; what they liked or disliked.
Hearing a variety of stories can help us picture the therapy process and the difference it can make in a person’s life.
b) Explore therapeutic approaches – how therapy works
Therapy is sometimes called “talk therapy”, which tells us how the process works: through conversation. Over time, the honest and open exchange of ideas and questions between us and our therapist can open up new perspectives and solutions to our problems.
Therapists use a range of therapeutic approaches (also called “modalities”) to help people create change in their lives. Think of them as a therapist’s toolkit, one that will look different from person to person. A therapist’s approach is the “how” of therapy, which includes evidence-based frameworks and principles that guide us through change in a focused way.
People we talk to might mention approaches their therapists used with them – like acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), or compassion-focussed therapy (CFT), for a start. There are many, many approaches out there: having some idea of what’s available can help us imagine what a therapy session might look like, and the ways of working through issues that would suit us best.
3. Who’s out there? – the therapist’s unique experience, specialty and identity
When looking at a therapist’s profile, consider things like age, gender, ethnicity, cultural background, languages spoken, education and experience, even values and beliefs.
Picture someone we’re comfortable talking at length to about vulnerable issues and experiences: what might they look and sound like? What are some "must-haves" or "nice-to-haves" that could make a difference to how seen, understood and safe we feel?
For example, some people I've worked with prefer a therapist with multicultural experience, or an understanding of Asian diaspora and third-culture relationship dynamics; some prefer to work with a specific gender, an LGBTQIA+ ally, or someone who is informed by activism and social justice.
Getting a sense of a therapist’s background and the way they describe themselves can help not just with gauging how equipped they are to support us and our context, but whether their values and identity align with our own. This in turn contributes to the foundation of effective therapy: building a relationship grounded in trust and safety.
4. Try it out!
The search for a therapist, like with dating, often takes time and experimentation. At the end of the day, a perfect fit looks different for everyone; sometimes it can boil down to chemistry. Many therapists offer free consultations, and these initial chats are a great way to find out more.
Following our search, committing to a few sessions with a new therapist and checking in with them regularly on how things are going can help determine how comfortable we feel to continue. While doing research is helpful, trusting ourselves, our therapist and the process as a whole can make all the difference.
Image Source: Alysa Bajenaru